Hi. If you already know me, I would like to apologize to everyone of you.
SI have communication issues since I was in school. Not everyone around me has ever heard my voice. Teachers complained my parents about me not talking in class and sitting idle. I face it hard to communicate with people and face them.
I am not an Introvert. I have some parts of my life where I have communicated beautifully to a group as well. But there are other issues of zoning out or gasping.
Same thing repeated in college. Some of my batchmates made me realized that I keep ignoring communication. For two instances I can give example of : I was in canteen and someone asked how's our final year project going. I answered about our project but I forgot to ask back about their status. People pointed out this behaviour and it was at that moment I realized that it was yet another instance of bad communication. Another instance was when we were about to go on a trip. I would read a whatsapp text and assume that it's done. I never used to write acknowledgement texts. My friend pointed it out and then I sent the acknowledgement.
I joined a company. Again a new set of people around me. Same thing happened. We were at office team outing. I tried but was again pointed out due to communication gaps.
I am not sure how can I change this. But I have developed ill habits of communication. There is nothing I can add on any ongoing conversation maybe because I cannot think of stuff that actually matters.
I talk with monologue. I have to force communication and it is not coming from inside. I even face communication issues with my partner.
Expressions are just dead out of me. I feel nothing as an achievement or loss. For all the things I was passionate about at some point in my life have now felt losing out. I get sense of achievement in almost nothing. Things are tough in my bubble of life.
This apology is meant for everyone of you because I am not being "Oversmart" by not speaking out. It's just a verbal communication problem which I have to face and keeps getting worse when there has to be opinions on something. I have no opinions which is sad. It's my fault totally.
I will try to change it. I will need help to try to change it. I hope we can change it.